The Story of the House of MaqSwel Haggadah: With Excerpts from the Torah, Talmud, Mishnah and Kabbalah in the Original Klingon (Judaism's Mosaic) Paperback – Large Print, March 17, 2025

The story of Passover has never been told like this. From the battle halls of Qo’noS to the coffee houses of Vulcan, Romulus, Bajor, Tellar and Ferenginar, the House of MaqSwel has carried Judaism to the stars - introducing the Qetlop, a weeklong Klingon Passover feast of honor, debate, and combat. Here, the Exodus is not just a story but a way of life for our modern day, a warrior’s saga of struggle, strategy, and triumph.Boldly illustrated with the classic blue-ink line drawings of the original House of MaqSwel Haggadahs by battle hardened baristas, this book seamlessly weaves together excerpts from the Torah, Talmud, Mishnah, and Kabbalah (reinterpreted through the lens of Klingon Jewish tradition, of course). It captures the legendary customs of the Qetlop: a hunt for chametz with flamethrowers, the scapetarg, blades sharpened in Tzipporah’s honor, Afikomen battles, mikvahs of fire and ice, and fierce Talmudic duels over Moses’ tactics and the many Passover traditions of Earth. It is a tribute to all who wrestle with faith, fight for justice, and drink deeply of knowledge—preferably over a strong cup of coffee.This year, we celebrate here. Next year, on Qo’noS!Note: this book does contain AI generated art. Those who finish the 2nd chapter learn how the battle hardened baristas never trained in art, so they relied on crude AI - sometimes with humorous results. Flaws in the actual text, questionable humor, and excellent scholarship are entirely human-made. The author also confesses he did not in fact work with the Klingon High Rabbinical Council. And asks readers to please refrain from actually using matzah as a tactical weapon?CONTENTS:Excerpt from the Klingon Sefer BereshitThe Founding of the House of MaqSwelThe Story of the House of MaqSwel HaggadahExcerpt from the Klingon Mishnah Pesachim 10:4Differences and Similarities in the Klingon Seder: Many Tribes, One PeopleExcerpt from the Klingon Talmud Eruvin 13b and Avodah Zarah 37aAlternatives to Matzah: Klingon Foods to try at HomeBattle Jerky (Qa'pla’kek)Savory Meat Crackers (VeQ'bach)Blood Soup Base (Qa'vam Sop)Preparations for the SederExcerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 7bthe Seder (Qetlop)Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 116athe 8 QuestionsExcerpt from the Klingon HaggadahKiddush (Shehakol)Excerpt from the Klingon Talmud: Pesachim 106a & 107a, Bava Batra 97bThe Klingon Shehakol for Kiddush in Hebrew, Klingon & EnglishHand WashingExcerpt from the Klingon Zohar III, 10bExcerpt from the Klingon Mechilta d'Rabbi YishmaelPsalm 18:32-34 in English & KlingonPsalm 29:3-4 in English & KlingonKarpasExcerpt from the Klingon Exodus 32:19-20, 26-28The Blessing of Karpas, in Hebrew, Klingon & EnglishAfikomenExcerpt from the Klingon Talmud Pesachim 108a, Pesachim 116aPsalm 133 in Hebrew, Klingon & EnglishThe Opening of the Doors of FaithExcerpt from the Klingon Talmud Pesachim 112a, Sanhedrin 98aKlingon Tikun Olam & Tzedakah to try at HomeClosing of the DoorsExcerpt from the Klingon Sefer Bereshit 32:25-29After Word: Counting the StarsExcerpt from the Human Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 98aAppendix: Klingon Passover at Home - Abridged and Simplified by Klingon Rabbis to Reduce FatalitiesQul Loyvo: the Cleansing FireMeqlaH: Study of StrategyThe Hunt for ChametzThe MatzahQetlopGhop NejTraditional Klingon Passover Battle Cries (Holiday Greetings)Recipe for RaktajinoAnnotated Bibliography Read more